Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom last night on BBC1 and suddenly realised the film is like one big tourist information film of how not to behave abroad. Here are 10 things I learnt from Dr Jones and his travels around Pankot Palace.
1. Be wary of local food and drink
If Indy had remembered this he wouldn’t have been poisoned in Club Obi Wan or turned into a Thuggee cult slave. Willie and Short Round, on the other hand, avoided eating snakes, bugs, sheeps-eye soup and chilled monkey brains and fared slightly better. We can only hope Indy washed the fruit he took to Willie’s room.
2. Don’t accept lifts from strangers, especially ones you meet in a club
Willie could have avoided the whole ‘almost burned alive in a human sacrifice’ thing if she’d just stayed at the club.
3. Book your flight from a reputable company
If Indy had booked the flight himself and not gone through Weber he would have been able to check the reviews of Lao Che air freight before stepping onboard. And seen how many parachutes were on board.
4. The locals will try to fleece you, just keep moving
Indy and co could have avoided the whole temple detour if they’d kept moving through the village instead of stopping for a bite to eat and listening to stories about stones.
5. Book ahead
Indy, Willie and Short Round turned up to Pankot Palace unannounced and expected some hospitality. What they got was a dodgy dinner and far too much noise from the neighbours in the slave mines below. If they’d called ahead it might have been so much different.
6. Don’t get involved in local politics
Indy talked politics at the dinner table and earned himself a late night visit from an assassin.
7. Don’t mess with your hotel room
Indy went snooping in Willie’s room and found the secret door to the temple. If he'd left that carving alone he would have checked out the next day without any problems.
8. Respect the customs of your hosts
Child slaves and human sacrifice may not be your idea of culture, but it works for some people. Don’t judge, respect their customs.
9. Don’t get into fights
Indy picks a fight with just about everyone. Including rather huge slave guards. Behaviour like this gives American tourists a bad reputation.
10. Plan your journey back home
Indy, Willie and Short Round had to fight their way out of the temple, steal a mine car and cross a rickety rope bridge. They should have booked their return travel with the rest of their journey to avoid all the stress.
A site like Tripadvisor should really tap into films like this for marketing...